Indefinite story 267

I really don't feel like going to school tomorrow...
I have to admit , I still haven't got out of the fact
I still hated the fact that I didn't achieve well.
Maybe the school didn't mind .
But to me , I really mind alot .
Asking me go up the stage and get an award , the award I never wanted.
Isn't it like making me feeling even worse.

Sigh.. Mummy doesn't allow me to skip school.
The more she feel that I should glad and accept the award.
She knew how much I felt so against what I gotten.
She wants me to understand , its just a failure for the first time.
But this failure brought me to lose my confidence I have in myself.
Lose the determination to ever go for a competition again .
Perhaps , I was too arrogant in the past .
Each time , whenever I have a performance , I mind alot what others say about me or us .
And it affects me..
I'm afraid for a not wonderful performance.
I used to think everyone enjoyed my performance but after that failure.
I was too afraid to go for another competition again..

I guess if I get it tomorrow , I will just fake a smile then ..
No one knows it anyway.