Indefinite story 410

Here is like the early twenties crisis where life seems a little too blurry. Recently, I haven't been able to feel satisfying about myself in every aspects. Ain't doing any well in academic aspects, neither work and self. As of current, I don't have anything to look forward to in life, no motivation in making myself a better self. I wouldn't say I'm in a comfort zone right now, I willing but afraid to walk out of the current state I'm in.

I'm not sociable, I didn't like new environment, new people and I dislike even more when people tries to understand me.

Self esteem , has been one of my biggest woes in the recent years. 2 years back, when I gained 9 kg in a short span of 6 months, my life was screwed up.  Workout , runs , healthy food , diet , abstaining from food all these didn't worked. When I came to realised that my clothes didn't fit any longer and I look ridiculously plump in my photos, my self esteem plunged to the lowest of my life. I didn't dare to wear anything tight fitting,no shorts and sleeveless clothings. I didn't even dare to get out my house to face the society.

Today, when my weight dropped and everything looks better now, my fear still kicked in. I am able to wear the pants I once used to fit but the ones that I bought during weight gain were way too loose and baggy now. I spent one and a half years trying all means to cut the excessive fats. It's an achievement up to now. But fear made my self esteem low.

(Above was in my draft for like 2 months and I haven't posted it out heheh).