Indefinite story 381

The whole world tells me that I looked much more better than before.
Much more healthier looking than I was before.
But I can't accept myself.
I can't fit the pants I used to have.
Even those when I can just slip it off without unbuckling anything has already been over tight for me
Some told me puberty came late
Some told me I was just having water retention
Some told me I just have to be more cautious of eating clean and exercising
Some just told me I got to accept this .
Know what? I ate lesser than I used to , I ate those healthy food that I never liked to eat in my life, I bought everything in low calories.
The more cautious I was , the more the weight goes up.
Till a rate that I couldn't accept.
Till a point that I had low self esteem of myself
I'm worried about others judging me , I don't even want to go out and meet anyone.
Even with the prettiest makeup or hair do don't make me feel good.
Self esteem has gone way too low that I dont even want to meet my girls when the chances now for me to meet is like finding a gem

Yesterday was the point I literally gave up and just have whatever junk food I can have.
Yet , it no longer give me the satisfaction it used to give me , like its really deemed as junk food in my body system already.
So much that I think that I'm actually having a mild depression over this shit.
I no longer know what makes me happy anymore.